


Apotheosis

by EightDrinkAmy



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, The 100 (TV), The Golden Compass (2007)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst, Daemons, F/F, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EightDrinkAmy/pseuds/EightDrinkAmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"after she leaves her people, clarke's wanderings bring her to Polis and Lexa (but they have daemons) :)"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apotheosis

Tatsel hasn’t spoken a word since you pulled the lever. He’s angry, and you don’t blame him. You’re angry, too. You’re hurt, disappointed, lost. You just wish he would talk to you and give you some reason not to hate yourself, push some semblance of life into you, give you any reason to keep  _going_.

He doesn’t. He hops alongside you in silence, his dusty brown rabbit pelt blending in with the earth and all but disappearing in it. You want to grab him and shake him and yell at him for leaving you alone like this, but you don’t. You could never hurt him. You feel like you don’t deserve his attention anyway.

So, you keep walking and walking and walking and you don’t stop, not even when your mouth is cracked and dry and your stomach is beginning to devour itself in its hunger. You keep walking until you’re ready to collapse, and it’s then that he finally decides to acknowledge you. He rummages in your bag after you sit down and drags the waterskin out by his teeth and drops it in your lap.

“Good to know you don’t want me to die,” you murmur, the words coming out broken and disjointed before you bring the water to your lips and drink. He doesn’t respond, but he crawls into your lap and settles there, and you lay a hand on his back, the first time you’ve touched him in almost two full days. You can’t help it; your fingers find the dip at the base of his skull where the softest patch of fur lays and you rub it and it brings tears to your eyes because you can’t remember the last time you were able to just enjoy the presence of your own soul and you know he hasn’t forgiven you yet and maybe he never will but you crush him to your chest anyway and you bury your face in his fur and you let whatever tears your body is able to produce come. You let them come, and it gives you the strength to eat and to stand up and to keep going, this time with Tatsel held tightly in your arms.

You pass by a grounder camp every so often. Tatsel still won’t speak, but you can tell he wants you to take a break and stay at one of them. You can’t. You’re not ready to be around people yet. You prefer to spend your nights alone.

You think it comes too soon when you find yourself at Polis. There are too many people, too  _many_ , and for a while you can’t even ask anyone where the Heda resides. They know what you’re there for, though; they’ve heard of this Skaikru leader with the unassuming rabbit daemon. They’ve heard of her valor and her wisdom, and they’ve heard of her interactions with their commander. They’re almost disappointed when they see the small girl curled in on herself looking rather defeated, and they shoo her in the direction of Lexa’s residence without a single verbal exchange.

You see Lexa’s daemon before anything else; the regal tiger is hard to miss when his fur isn’t caked in mud to keep hidden. Rhazar notices you before Lexa does as well, and he perks up at the sight of you and your daemon. You want to stay calm, you  _do_ , but you can feel your heart racing as Tatsel kicks and fights to get out of your arms and when you finally set him down he bounds straight to Rhazar as if his life depends on it. You’ve never seen the tiger daemon gentler than he is around Tatsel.

You really don’t know what to do when Lexa turns from her work and sees you. Part of you wants to kiss her, part of you wants to kill her, and no part of you  _really_   wants to be there, but you are and you can’t turn back now. Lexa looks as straight-faced as you do, but you know her and you can  _hear_  her daemon laughing almost boyishly and you know she’s glad you’re there. And, of course, you can’t fool her either; your daemon had betrayed you the moment he’d run to hers. You can’t even bring yourself to care. This isn’t home, but neither is your camp. Not really. Not yet. But for now, you think you can let Lexa be your home. Just for now, you promise yourself. Just for now.


End file.
